here we go again!!!

so yeah. here we go. i may or may not be crazy. alright, i probably am.

it's time for the Ragamuffin Soul Sexyback Challenge 2012! i'm fairly certain of what my goals are going to be, but i'm going to simmer on them for a couple of hours before i post them. :) the suspense is killing you isn't it, my dear fictitious readers! HA!

i'll have them here in a bit though. they should be good!

click on over to ragamuffinsoul.com and see what the deal is! also check out the #sexyback12 hashtag! tons of awesome people joining in!

until later...

andrea

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here we go!

sexyback12 goals:

physical:
     ok, so i'm probably pretty crazy with this, but there are two things i'm going to start with for my physical goals.

first... cutting the soda. eek. typing that causes me to start twitching! seriously though, i drink waaaaay too much pop. so, i'm cutting it way down. hopefully all the way out, but i don't know that i could go cold turkey with this one! so, starting july 1, three twelve ounce servings a week. that's all i'm allowing myself.

second... and i'm DEFINITELY crazy with this one.... i'm going to go through couch25k. that scares the crap out of me! but for some reason, i really feel like i need to do it. it's nothing i would ever expect myself today. and for me, year 28 needs to be different. i don't want to do what everyone expects of me. including myself. so, couch25k it is! ack!


mental:
    this one is kind of going to be doubled up a bit with the spiritual, i think. i have a TON of books that i've purchased over the years and to this day, there are VERY few that i've actually finished. so, first off, i'm going to finish Pete Wilson's Empty Promises. all that i've read so far has been amazing! i really want to get it finished and apply some of what i'm learning! i'd also like to go through Pete's Plan B as well. i also own it and have never read it. :|


spiritual:
     spiritually... well, i'm a freaking mess. seriously. so, i'm going to be reading EP and i know that that is really going to help me spiritually. more importantly, i'm going to read through each Gospel. there are 89 chapters in the Gospels. i think. i hope i did my math correctly! so i'm going to sit down tomorrow... er, today... and map out what chapters i'm going to read each week/day. should be fun! i'm also going to try writing out of the bible too. i wrote about that a few posts ago and i really enjoyed it while i was doing it. so i'm going to try to write out the Gospels too. that may be too much though, so we will see. :)

so there they are. my sexyback12 goals. holy. moly. i'm crazy. but there are a bunch of other crazy ragamuffins that are in this with me! anyone want to join us?!

*yawn*

It's exhausting trying to always be happy and pretending that everything is ok. It's not ok.

And no one I'm around all day, every day cares at all.

This can't be the way it's supposed to be, right?

This isn't what this is supposed to feel like, right?

writing it all out.

ok. so i suck.

maybe once a week is a better goal for me to have. though i would have screwed that one over last week too. ;)

even still though, i'm blogging at this moment! :D

so for the last week or so, i've been writing out of my Bible. yep. writing it out. by hand. it's actually been pretty cool. i was going to do the book of james, but i was reminded of how much i really love the book of colossians. my favorite part is chapter three. which is what i'll be writing tonight. i think that i've probably read the entire book of colossians at some point, but i don't know that i've ever studied it in depth.

i take that back. at Passion07 we did an inductive study on colossians each morning in our family/community groups. but i was going through a whole lot at the time and i don't think i really absorbed much of it.

so, it's been good for me to be writing it out and having to think about it more as i do so.

it's also been good because this has gotten me into The Word. my quiet times are pretty much nonexistent, so this is a good way for me to actually BE in the word. i'm developing more of a habit with that than i have with anything else that i've done in a while. you've got to start somewhere, right?

even though i'm not reading as much as i should be for the whole "discipleship plan" that i'm on, and i'm not praying as much as the plan says i should be, i'm still spending more time studying and listening to God than i was before. i'm doing more to seek Him than i was before this whole thing started. so i think that's good.

i've actually only written for three nights, but the nights i missed writing, i really did miss that time. i'm starting chapter three tonight. it's not taking as long as i thought it would, so i think i'm going to repeat colossians at least once, maybe more, before i move on to another book. :)

well, i was going to write out some of the thoughts i've had while writing out colossians, but i'd rather skip that for now and actually write for a while. :)

maybe tomorrow.;)

oh, and if you've never checked this website out, do yourself a favor and click on over to rainymood.com. SO GOOD! :)

it's gotta happen!

ok, so this was my post on jon acuff's blog back in december:

guess how much work I've actually done on my Finish Year goals!

that's right... NONE!!!

so i'm starting number seven right now. writing!

what i need to keep in mind is that these writings don't have to be long. they just need to be honest. they need to be real. they can't be fake. they can't be easy.

so here it is, my commitment to myself for this year:

1. write three times each week.
2. keep the length to what feels right. if it's two words, it's two words. if it's two-thousand, it's two-thousand. length does not matter.
3. be honest. - don't mince words or write half truths. write what is happening and what's moving you.
4. be real. - again, don't write half truths. tell it like it is. if it's not pretty, write it. if it's mushy and mildly sickening, write it! just write what you need to. it's ok. this is YOUR blog, not someone else's. if they don't like what they read, they can stop reading it. write what you need to.
5. have fun with it. don't let this become a burden. let it be something that allows you to express what you NEED to in a way you WANT to.
6. don't stop. keep going. even when it's hard to do.

so there we go. let's get it done! this IS something that i will be able to say i finished this year. i'm going to do it. 

NOT finishing... that's not an option.

three months is a long time. a lot can happen...

wow. it seems so strange to me that it's been three months since i last wrote a post. it's amazing how much can happen in such a short amount of time.


i won't bore you with details and ramblings about the last three months though. but i do want to talk about something that's been on my mind a lot today.


being broken.


it's such a big word. not in length. in meaning.


here are a few of the ways that webster's dictionary defines the word broken: 

• violently separated into parts : shattered
• damaged or altered by breaking
• having undergone or been subjected to fracture
• interrupted or full of obstacles
• violated by transgression
• disrupted by change
• made weak or infirm
• crushed, sorrowful
• bankrupt
• cut off : disconnected
• not complete or full

i stumbled upon a blog post today over at People of the Second Chance. 

i've been thinking about the concept of grace all afternoon.

i have such a hard time with it. i have difficulty extending it. sometimes i have difficulty accepting it. not from man, but from God. why do i struggle so much to accept His grace? why is it so hard for me to offer grace to others?

i think that often it's because i don't think others are deserving of it. but isn't that the exact definition of grace? receiving something that you don't deserve under any circumstances? having something that you should not?


i've been thinking today that i am broken. i've talked with a few friends lately that are the same way.


broken.


none of us are whole. we all have holes inside of us that we try to fill. we try to fix us. we've all heard it said that "you can't fix stupid." something i've determined today? YOU can't fix what's broken. I can't fix what's broken. and you know what? that person sitting next to you in church? yeah, she can't fix what's broken. the man sitting down the pew from you? he can't fix broken either. we can try all we want. we can't do it.


but He can.


through His grace, and His grace alone, we can become whole again. 

Psalm 147:3 - He heals the broken hearted 
   and binds up their wounds.

He alone is good to all that love Him.

Psalm 145:8-20 - The Lord is merciful and compassionate,
      slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
 The Lord is good to everyone.
      He showers compassion on all his creation.
 All of your works will thank you, Lord,
      and your faithful followers will praise you.
 They will speak of the glory of your kingdom;
      they will give examples of your power.
 They will tell about your mighty deeds
      and about the majesty and glory of your reign.
 For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom.
      You rule throughout all generations.
 The Lord always keeps his promises;
      he is gracious in all he does.
 The Lord helps the fallen
      and lifts those bent beneath their loads.
 The eyes of all look to you in hope;
      you give them their food as they need it.
 When you open your hand,
      you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.
 The Lord is righteous in everything he does;
      he is filled with kindness.
 The Lord is close to all who call on him,
      yes, to all who call on him in truth.
 He grants the desires of those who fear him;
      he hears their cries for help and rescues them.
 The Lord protects all those who love him,
      but he destroys the wicked.