back in march, i wrote about the fact that i lead a small life. and as i was taking a shower just now, that came to my mind again. i still lead a small life. nothing has changed. except that i just realized something.
the reason why i lead such a small life is becuase i created it. i'm the one that made my life so small. though i don't know how i did it, i did. i've created this life for myself.
and i don't know how to get myself out of it. the only thing i can think to do is to change. change everything. change as much about myself as i can.
i feel like i can no longer sit here and be who i am happy being and think that everything else is going to fall into place. i can't sit here and be who i want to be anymore. i can't sit here and pretend that others are going to love me for who i am. i feel like i have to change into who they want me to be.
i feel like i can't be me anymore.
i can't continue the way i have for so many years.
i have to change.