Thursday, February 7, 2013

it's been a while...

my only excuse for not writing before now?


that's right. i've been hiding. though i'm pretty sure i haven't really been missed at all. i know that i've gotten the occasional page visit over the last several months, but other than that i really don't think that anyone follows my blog at all.

so the fact that i've been hiding is quite ridiculous. go ahead. laugh. i'm kind of laughing inside right now.

so yeah. i hide. what do i hide from?

well, pretty much everything.

i hide from relationships the most i think. why?

fear, i think.

i'm afraid of being truly known. i'm afraid of people knowing everything about me and not accepting me.

so what do i do? i shut them out.

i don't share things.

i keep everyone at a distance.

i hold all of my cards close to my chest.

i don't let people in, not matter how hard they try.

people think they know me.

but really... they have no idea who i am.

and if i'm honest, most days i don't know who i am either.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

already behind... but doing it anyway!


so epic fail on checking in last week for #sexback12! but in my defense, i was setting up a fireworks stand and opening it on the day we were supposed to check in! i actually wanted to begin most of my goals on july 1 anyway, so that kind of worked out. here's where i'm sitting:


oh my!!! this one i am doing surprisingly well with! it's actually the one that i'm doing the best at too.
last week was my first week on only 3 Pepsis a week. and guess what!!! I DID IT!!! that, my friends, is a HUGE accomplishment in my book! i had three. and technically i had one diet strawberry shasta. but it was caffeine and sugar free. :)

other HUGE accomplishment for me... today i started my couch to 5k with steff! she is seriously like, the BEST friend EVER! we went out at 6:30 this morning. it was insanely humid, but only 75 degrees. it was nuts! we made it through the first six of eight runs as the program tells you. then we (read "i") had to pause it and walk for an extra minute and a half or two minutes. i was having a bit of an issue catching my breath. :) but after that extra little bit of walking, we finished to the cycle! i'm sore in places i didn't know i could be, but overall, i feel quite accomplished! i told a few people today that i went running this morning. the looks on some of their faces were pretty hilarious! so what if it was only for eight non-consecutive minutes! it's more intentional running than i've done in at least 15 years! it feels good!


i've been reading through more of empty promises. still not through as much of it as i'd like to be, but i'm making some progress! the things i'm gleaning from EP are amazing! God is definitely using pete's writing to draw me closer to Him!


i'm still a complete mess. this week i didn't really do much at all to improve on this one. :( i've worked the fireworks stand for a week, packed that up, then had a wedding to coordinate this weekend, and coffee bar people to train this morning. *yawn* i'm tired. so this one has definitely been what i've slacked on the most. i'm hoping that this week will give me some time to catch up though. :) reading and writing out the Gospels. it's going to be great once i can get into the swing of it!

oh! another cool thing: Race For Freedom! we haven't registered yet, but i'm pretty sure that Steff and i are going to be running in this thing! our C25K will end on september 4 or 6 (i can't remember which one) and the Race for Freedom is on september 8. :) so that's the plan. we may see if we can get a small group of us to run in it together. :) it could be a ton of fun!!!

so that's where i'm at. sitting here at mead's next to an amazing friend willing to run with me in the middle or horrendous heat during her summer break. she's a HUGE encouragement and blessing to me that i don't think i fully deserve! she's seriously the best friend EVER!

how are you all holding up, ragamuffins?


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

here we go again!!!

so yeah. here we go. i may or may not be crazy. alright, i probably am.

it's time for the Ragamuffin Soul Sexyback Challenge 2012! i'm fairly certain of what my goals are going to be, but i'm going to simmer on them for a couple of hours before i post them. :) the suspense is killing you isn't it, my dear fictitious readers! HA!

i'll have them here in a bit though. they should be good!

click on over to and see what the deal is! also check out the #sexyback12 hashtag! tons of awesome people joining in!

until later...



here we go!

sexyback12 goals:

     ok, so i'm probably pretty crazy with this, but there are two things i'm going to start with for my physical goals.

first... cutting the soda. eek. typing that causes me to start twitching! seriously though, i drink waaaaay too much pop. so, i'm cutting it way down. hopefully all the way out, but i don't know that i could go cold turkey with this one! so, starting july 1, three twelve ounce servings a week. that's all i'm allowing myself.

second... and i'm DEFINITELY crazy with this one.... i'm going to go through couch25k. that scares the crap out of me! but for some reason, i really feel like i need to do it. it's nothing i would ever expect myself today. and for me, year 28 needs to be different. i don't want to do what everyone expects of me. including myself. so, couch25k it is! ack!

    this one is kind of going to be doubled up a bit with the spiritual, i think. i have a TON of books that i've purchased over the years and to this day, there are VERY few that i've actually finished. so, first off, i'm going to finish Pete Wilson's Empty Promises. all that i've read so far has been amazing! i really want to get it finished and apply some of what i'm learning! i'd also like to go through Pete's Plan B as well. i also own it and have never read it. :|

     spiritually... well, i'm a freaking mess. seriously. so, i'm going to be reading EP and i know that that is really going to help me spiritually. more importantly, i'm going to read through each Gospel. there are 89 chapters in the Gospels. i think. i hope i did my math correctly! so i'm going to sit down tomorrow... er, today... and map out what chapters i'm going to read each week/day. should be fun! i'm also going to try writing out of the bible too. i wrote about that a few posts ago and i really enjoyed it while i was doing it. so i'm going to try to write out the Gospels too. that may be too much though, so we will see. :)

so there they are. my sexyback12 goals. holy. moly. i'm crazy. but there are a bunch of other crazy ragamuffins that are in this with me! anyone want to join us?!

Friday, February 10, 2012


It's exhausting trying to always be happy and pretending that everything is ok. It's not ok.

And no one I'm around all day, every day cares at all.

This can't be the way it's supposed to be, right?

This isn't what this is supposed to feel like, right?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

writing it all out.

ok. so i suck.

maybe once a week is a better goal for me to have. though i would have screwed that one over last week too. ;)

even still though, i'm blogging at this moment! :D

so for the last week or so, i've been writing out of my Bible. yep. writing it out. by hand. it's actually been pretty cool. i was going to do the book of james, but i was reminded of how much i really love the book of colossians. my favorite part is chapter three. which is what i'll be writing tonight. i think that i've probably read the entire book of colossians at some point, but i don't know that i've ever studied it in depth.

i take that back. at Passion07 we did an inductive study on colossians each morning in our family/community groups. but i was going through a whole lot at the time and i don't think i really absorbed much of it.

so, it's been good for me to be writing it out and having to think about it more as i do so.

it's also been good because this has gotten me into The Word. my quiet times are pretty much nonexistent, so this is a good way for me to actually BE in the word. i'm developing more of a habit with that than i have with anything else that i've done in a while. you've got to start somewhere, right?

even though i'm not reading as much as i should be for the whole "discipleship plan" that i'm on, and i'm not praying as much as the plan says i should be, i'm still spending more time studying and listening to God than i was before. i'm doing more to seek Him than i was before this whole thing started. so i think that's good.

i've actually only written for three nights, but the nights i missed writing, i really did miss that time. i'm starting chapter three tonight. it's not taking as long as i thought it would, so i think i'm going to repeat colossians at least once, maybe more, before i move on to another book. :)

well, i was going to write out some of the thoughts i've had while writing out colossians, but i'd rather skip that for now and actually write for a while. :)

maybe tomorrow.;)

oh, and if you've never checked this website out, do yourself a favor and click on over to SO GOOD! :)