did i just write that?

carlos whittaker. i heart him. his ability to be honest and completely transparent is something that, even though i know i shouldn't, i envy. he's been posting "Soul Creative Questions of the Day" the last few weeks. A few minutes ago he posted #8:

Finish this statement.

If I was a piece of furniture I would be… 

 without pretty much any contemplation at all, i hit the post comment button and wrote what first came to mind. here's my response:

most days… the table just inside the front door (or garage door) where you dump all of your crap when you walk in.

on the good days though, the kitchen/dining room table, where family, friends, and loved ones gather around with a ton of amazing food doing life together and supporting one another.

i reread it quickly and then hit "submit comment."


then i thought about it. "wait, did i really just post that?" yes. yes i did.


the truth is that there are a lot of days when i do feel like that table. you know which one i'm talking about. the one that you unload on right when you walk in the door. the one that holds the mail. the one that catches your keys. the one that is always there without fail. the one that, if it wasn't there, you'd miss it, but you don't really notice the importance of it each time you pass by it. every day i'm here. i'm ol' reliable.


i was sick last thursday. i missed work. i don't ever miss work. ever since then, i've been thinking: "does anyone really even notice when i'm gone?" not necessarily just at work. do they notice when i miss church on sunday mornings? if i'm not there, wherever "there" may be, does it really matter? do people notice?


do i matter?


then i'm ever so gently reminded of psalm 139:

1 O Lord , you have examined my heart
  and know everything about me.

2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
  You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.

3 You see me when I travel
  and when I rest at home.
  You know everything I do.

4 You know what I am going to say
  even before I say it, Lord .

5 You go before me and follow me.
  You place your hand of blessing on my head.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
  too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
  I can never get away from your presence!

8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
  if I go down to the grave,s you are there.

9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
  if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
  and your strength will support me.

11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
  and the light around me to become night—

12   but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
  Darkness and light are the same to you.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
  and knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
  Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
  as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

16 You saw me before I was born.
  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
  before a single day had passed.

17 How precious are your thoughts about me,s O God.
  They cannot be numbered!

18 I can't even count them;
  they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
  you are still with me!

God knows me. he knows me. little ol' reliable me. he wants me. he know my heart. he knows my hurts. he knows my questions. my worries. he knows it all. and he still loves me.


the God of the universe that is greater than any of us could possibly ever fathom... he knows me.


so do i matter?


heck yeah i do. 
he knows me. 
he loves me. 
i am his.