alrighty... so i've been reading jon acuff's stuff christians like for well over a year. in october, jon was at catalyst. i started up a twitter account during that week and at one point, jon tweeted (is that the correct word? :D) that he was going to be live backstage with Carlos Whittaker and Anne Jackson. so, i stumbled upon Los' blog, Ragamuffin Soul. it's been awesome! i've been encouraged by a lot of things he's said. he's also made me think about a lot of things as well.
this brings me to today. i open up my twitter account and see that Los has begun the Ragamuffin Soul 30 Day Holiday Health Challenge. all i can say about it is YAY! i've already hopped on the whole losing weight thing and i'm trying to be healthier. but i've realized that just losing weight isn't going to make me healthy. i've got to tackle a couple of other things in my life that are lacking discipline: my spiritual life and my relationships. i've been thinking about those other two for a while now, and low and behold, God used los today to push me into doing something about it!
i encourage you to go take a look at los' blog and find out about the HHC. it's going to be awesome!
so, here are the three areas i am working on:
physically ~ trying to lose about 20 additional pounds. i've lost about five since i started weight watchers two weeks ago... i want to get rid of another 20 before Christmas!
spiritually ~ even though i work at a church, my spiritual life is pretty much hosed. i don't talk to God much, unless it's to complain to him about something i think he needs to fix. so, first thing to help with this: talk to God a LOT more. even if it's just to spend two or three minutes each morning asking Him to guide my steps for the day, that will be better than what i've been doing! i also want to spend more time in His word as well. i'll get back to you on what i find to help with that. i've got some devotionals and such at home that might help with that.
relationally ~ i have some absolutely AMAZING people in my life. i am thankful for each of them and i want to take more time to really nurture my relationships with them. i want to spend more time with them; quality time where i can really get to know them. not too sure what step i'll take in that direction, but maybe just having coffee with one or two of them each week is a start.
so here goes. i'll be blogging about this at least twice each week. hopefully more!
say some prayers and let's do this!!!
asaff
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
comebacks
jon acuff wrote an amazing post today! read through it really quick and then check out my response that i sent him.
my email to jon:
so today it begins. my comeback. say some prayers for me. this is definitely NOT going to be easy.
my email to jon:
Hey Jon.
I’ve been reading your blog for more than a year now. You might remember the “only lawn you’ve ever wanted to side hug.” That was me. I read your blog nearly every day, and today REALLY worked on my heart. I was going to post this as a comment, but it turns out that it’s too long. So I decided to email it to you instead. Thank you for your faithfulness to what God has asked you to write. He uses you more than you will ever know. But today, I wanted you to know how much He used you.
I’ve been really caught up in a lot of busy work at the church lately and decided I really needed to read your post today for some reason. and now I know why.
Working in the church is hard, I know that I don't have to tell a lot of people that. It's something that most people know. But people don't realize that when you work in a church, you can start to move away from God. It doesn’t just happen to pastors and preachers and elders. It happens to secretaries and ministry assistants too.
Personally, I’ve completely stopped doing any sort of quiet time at all. I no longer attend our young adult activities. I’m no longer connected to anyone in the church. After all, “I’ve got to get the bulletin done for Sunday morning. The newsletter is supposed to go out in two days. We've got life groups launching. This ministry needs this and this ministry needs that. I need to get this and this and this done. Oh and I can’t forget this over here too.” I’ve allowed my work to get in the way of everyone. I’ve distanced myself from everyone in the church. I don't interact with the body in any sort of way outside of work. I dread going to worship on Sunday morning. I’ve allowed my “ministry” to get in the way of God.
There's something that I’ve slowly begun to realize recently and it's really hit me full force today. While working at the church is a good thing and doing all the things I do can be good as well, that's not what's important to God. God isn't concerned with the new layout of the newsletter. His work doesn't hinge on my ability to publish a bulletin. He wants to work in my heart. He wants to work through my heart. if I don't spend time with Him, if I stay stagnate and don't grow, none of it matters at all. He gave me talents, He gave me abilities, but most of all He's given me grace. He wants to use my talents and abilities. He wants those. But more than that, He wants me. He wants my heart. He wants my soul. He wants me.
So today... today marks my comeback.
Thanks Jon. Know that today God used you to help a secretary in a church in the middle of Kansas find her way back to Him.
Thank you.
Sorry this was long, but God’s been working a lot on my heart this morning. Thank you for your willingness to be used.
so today it begins. my comeback. say some prayers for me. this is definitely NOT going to be easy.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
i think i've created this small life that i lead...
back in march, i wrote about the fact that i lead a small life. and as i was taking a shower just now, that came to my mind again. i still lead a small life. nothing has changed. except that i just realized something.
the reason why i lead such a small life is becuase i created it. i'm the one that made my life so small. though i don't know how i did it, i did. i've created this life for myself.
and i don't know how to get myself out of it. the only thing i can think to do is to change. change everything. change as much about myself as i can.
i feel like i can no longer sit here and be who i am happy being and think that everything else is going to fall into place. i can't sit here and be who i want to be anymore. i can't sit here and pretend that others are going to love me for who i am. i feel like i have to change into who they want me to be.
i feel like i can't be me anymore.
i can't continue the way i have for so many years.
i have to change.
the reason why i lead such a small life is becuase i created it. i'm the one that made my life so small. though i don't know how i did it, i did. i've created this life for myself.
and i don't know how to get myself out of it. the only thing i can think to do is to change. change everything. change as much about myself as i can.
i feel like i can no longer sit here and be who i am happy being and think that everything else is going to fall into place. i can't sit here and be who i want to be anymore. i can't sit here and pretend that others are going to love me for who i am. i feel like i have to change into who they want me to be.
i feel like i can't be me anymore.
i can't continue the way i have for so many years.
i have to change.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
faith and trust...
this is going to be a long entry, so please bear with me.
some of my old youth coaches are going through something that I cannot possibly imagine going through myself. Ann and Jeff were always a great couple to be around. nearly two years ago, Ann was diagnosed with colon cancer. she's fought harder than so many people that I know. throughout most of my time in reading Ann’s CaringBridge journal, the one thing that I’ve come to remember once again is how selfless Ann is. in nearly every entry she'll tell you how she's feeling, ask for prayer for someone else in her life, and then she might ask you to pray for her. she and Jeff are truly remarkable. they were a great support and encouragement to me while I was in high school. it makes me sad that I’ve pretty much lost touch with them.
here is a journal entry that Jeff posted last night. someday, I hope to have faith and trust in God like they do. their story is one of hope that hasn't been lost, but has been found in the Lord. for anyone that stumbles upon this blog, I ask that you please pray for Ann and Jeff. pray for their three young boys as they continue this difficult journey. you can find Ann’s CaringBridge site here.
Here's Jeff’s entry from last night:
Dearest Friends and Family...
Grace and Peace to you...
First... We appreciate your sensitivity to Vic and Val's previous requests to slow down the visits and calls. It certainly is not my intention to shut anyone out. Please, please don't think that we don't appreciate or want those calls and visits.
However, I am sad to report that Ann's condition is still deteriorating. She is sleeping more than she is awake. When she is awake, she has trouble collecting her thoughts and it takes great effort for her to communicate. So it is an unfortunate necessity that we curtail the visits. The good news is that she is no longer complaining of any pain whatsoever...and is resting quite comfortably.
We did have a nice quiet day today... and I was able to steal some moments with her when she was lucid and alert. How I cherish those precious few moments......
-------------------------------------------------------------
If you would be so kind as to spend a couple more minutes reading... I have a some thoughts to share from Ann and myself that might bring you a bit of comfort...
I apologize that this is long...but I hope you'll read it through to the end....
(you can come back later if you need a break) :)
First and foremost, a statement that we both have made from the beginning. We have said it many times, we still believe it, and it is worth repeating. We do not believe for one second that God cursed Ann with this disease as punishment for her or my sins. Jesus took care of that on the cross. ...can I get an Amen?? To believe anything else would suggest that Jesus' sacrifice was invalid. Furthermore, God cannot create or be associated with anything evil.
Though God did not create or inflict cancer on Ann (or anyone else, for that matter), He IS very interested in how we respond when faced with it. We have a choice. We can choose despair and hopelessness... Or we can respond by having faith and hope that God will keep his promise. The promise that He will walk side-by-side with us through whatever it is that we might be going through, including this ...we choose to have faith... still....
The risky part of having a faith like that is the realization that Ann's healing may come in the form of God bringing her home to be by His side in heaven. That day may be coming soon. That is not our hearts desire, but if God so chooses...we will have faith that Jesus' work was not in vain... And what an incredible healing that will be. God will restore her into the woman that HE created her to be...
In the mean time, God is at work...everywhere...working out his purposes. And He is using whatever means necessary to do so. Including our current situation.
Now, I am not normally a numbers and statistics type of guy...especially concerning spiritual matters. And blessed is the man who does not see, yet believes. But I do believe that sometimes we humans can benefit by seeing some tangible proof that God's work is ongoing. Read on, and you will see what I mean...
I have compiled a few numbers to help visualize just a mere portion of the work that God is doing in our lives, and the lives of others.
If you look up in the right-hand corner of this web-page you see how many times Ann's site has been visited. (many of those are repeat visitors...but that's still a lot of hits nonetheless). Visitors have written her over 1000 messages of encouragement.
...God is at work...
Eighteen people have come at different times to help me with home improvements (mostly painting)(there's a special place in Heaven for those who peel wallpaper...)
Ann's parents drive 340 miles one way to come help out. Having made that trip at least 20 times in the past year...probably more. That adds up to at least 13,600 miles traveled to help us...
The other members of our families have completed endless tasks for us...
No less than 70 people have brought a meal to us...
Hundreds, if not thousands of dollars have been donated to help defray medical expenses and home improvement costs... hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas gifts were donated to us and our boys...
Every one of the 170-or-so members of our Sunday school class has done something to help us out in some way... At least half have performed some physical task, including, but not limited to... bringing a meal, taking recyclables to the recycle bins, giving the kids a ride somewhere, taking Ann to the clinic, sitting with Ann during a treatment or at home, doing laundry, cleaning, painting and many other tasks. And those who did not perform a physical task joined those who did by praying for us...which is the greatest thing anyone can do for us...
And on the subject of prayer... I am not even going to begin to try to count the total number of people who are praying for us. ...our families...our Sunday school class... dozens within the church... the church staff... and even some people who have never prayed before at all. And most of those people have their own network of friends praying for Ann also. Only God knows how far reaching the prayer chains are... but one thing is certain...He hears every one of them....
Over the past two years Ann has shared her faith unabashedly with countless people including many non-Christians. To listen to Ann share her faith in the midst of her pain brings me to my knees... still...
In my travels, I have been able to share my own faith (to various degrees) with several people in the last year. Me sharing my faith with anyone is a miracle in itself!!! (I'm not a good evangelist) After sharing Ann's story I am often asked how I cope with it... which gives me the opportunity to explain why I have the peace that I do...
Through this trial, our families have grown closer together than perhaps ever before...
------------------------------
At first glance, ours appears to be a hopeless situation. Yet God has chosen to use this opportunity to achieve his purposes. For some that is an opportunity to use their spiritual gifts and talents to help us. For others it is to hear of God’s grace and mercy for the first time... and perhaps someone, someday may respond to that message by committing their life to Jesus.
For myself, God reveals something new to me every day. (on that subject I could write a book. but that's for another time)
There have been books written regarding the question of why bad things happen to good people. The debate is timeless. In the end, my opinion is that God will use both good and bad situations to achieve His purposes.
My prayer is that what I've said here will encourage you to really look at what God is doing in every situation. Look past the bad to see the good that God is doing.
Right now all of our hearts are breaking...so it is tough for us to see it... but God is working out His perfect will in us, and others... and nothing bad can come from that.
So into God's hands we lay our lives. And to Him we'll give all the glory....
Thank you so much for taking the time....
....Be salt and light in your world....
Jeff
some of my old youth coaches are going through something that I cannot possibly imagine going through myself. Ann and Jeff were always a great couple to be around. nearly two years ago, Ann was diagnosed with colon cancer. she's fought harder than so many people that I know. throughout most of my time in reading Ann’s CaringBridge journal, the one thing that I’ve come to remember once again is how selfless Ann is. in nearly every entry she'll tell you how she's feeling, ask for prayer for someone else in her life, and then she might ask you to pray for her. she and Jeff are truly remarkable. they were a great support and encouragement to me while I was in high school. it makes me sad that I’ve pretty much lost touch with them.
here is a journal entry that Jeff posted last night. someday, I hope to have faith and trust in God like they do. their story is one of hope that hasn't been lost, but has been found in the Lord. for anyone that stumbles upon this blog, I ask that you please pray for Ann and Jeff. pray for their three young boys as they continue this difficult journey. you can find Ann’s CaringBridge site here.
Here's Jeff’s entry from last night:
Dearest Friends and Family...
Grace and Peace to you...
First... We appreciate your sensitivity to Vic and Val's previous requests to slow down the visits and calls. It certainly is not my intention to shut anyone out. Please, please don't think that we don't appreciate or want those calls and visits.
However, I am sad to report that Ann's condition is still deteriorating. She is sleeping more than she is awake. When she is awake, she has trouble collecting her thoughts and it takes great effort for her to communicate. So it is an unfortunate necessity that we curtail the visits. The good news is that she is no longer complaining of any pain whatsoever...and is resting quite comfortably.
We did have a nice quiet day today... and I was able to steal some moments with her when she was lucid and alert. How I cherish those precious few moments......
-------------------------------------------------------------
If you would be so kind as to spend a couple more minutes reading... I have a some thoughts to share from Ann and myself that might bring you a bit of comfort...
I apologize that this is long...but I hope you'll read it through to the end....
(you can come back later if you need a break) :)
First and foremost, a statement that we both have made from the beginning. We have said it many times, we still believe it, and it is worth repeating. We do not believe for one second that God cursed Ann with this disease as punishment for her or my sins. Jesus took care of that on the cross. ...can I get an Amen?? To believe anything else would suggest that Jesus' sacrifice was invalid. Furthermore, God cannot create or be associated with anything evil.
Though God did not create or inflict cancer on Ann (or anyone else, for that matter), He IS very interested in how we respond when faced with it. We have a choice. We can choose despair and hopelessness... Or we can respond by having faith and hope that God will keep his promise. The promise that He will walk side-by-side with us through whatever it is that we might be going through, including this ...we choose to have faith... still....
The risky part of having a faith like that is the realization that Ann's healing may come in the form of God bringing her home to be by His side in heaven. That day may be coming soon. That is not our hearts desire, but if God so chooses...we will have faith that Jesus' work was not in vain... And what an incredible healing that will be. God will restore her into the woman that HE created her to be...
In the mean time, God is at work...everywhere...working out his purposes. And He is using whatever means necessary to do so. Including our current situation.
Now, I am not normally a numbers and statistics type of guy...especially concerning spiritual matters. And blessed is the man who does not see, yet believes. But I do believe that sometimes we humans can benefit by seeing some tangible proof that God's work is ongoing. Read on, and you will see what I mean...
I have compiled a few numbers to help visualize just a mere portion of the work that God is doing in our lives, and the lives of others.
If you look up in the right-hand corner of this web-page you see how many times Ann's site has been visited. (many of those are repeat visitors...but that's still a lot of hits nonetheless). Visitors have written her over 1000 messages of encouragement.
...God is at work...
Eighteen people have come at different times to help me with home improvements (mostly painting)(there's a special place in Heaven for those who peel wallpaper...)
Ann's parents drive 340 miles one way to come help out. Having made that trip at least 20 times in the past year...probably more. That adds up to at least 13,600 miles traveled to help us...
The other members of our families have completed endless tasks for us...
No less than 70 people have brought a meal to us...
Hundreds, if not thousands of dollars have been donated to help defray medical expenses and home improvement costs... hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas gifts were donated to us and our boys...
Every one of the 170-or-so members of our Sunday school class has done something to help us out in some way... At least half have performed some physical task, including, but not limited to... bringing a meal, taking recyclables to the recycle bins, giving the kids a ride somewhere, taking Ann to the clinic, sitting with Ann during a treatment or at home, doing laundry, cleaning, painting and many other tasks. And those who did not perform a physical task joined those who did by praying for us...which is the greatest thing anyone can do for us...
And on the subject of prayer... I am not even going to begin to try to count the total number of people who are praying for us. ...our families...our Sunday school class... dozens within the church... the church staff... and even some people who have never prayed before at all. And most of those people have their own network of friends praying for Ann also. Only God knows how far reaching the prayer chains are... but one thing is certain...He hears every one of them....
Over the past two years Ann has shared her faith unabashedly with countless people including many non-Christians. To listen to Ann share her faith in the midst of her pain brings me to my knees... still...
In my travels, I have been able to share my own faith (to various degrees) with several people in the last year. Me sharing my faith with anyone is a miracle in itself!!! (I'm not a good evangelist) After sharing Ann's story I am often asked how I cope with it... which gives me the opportunity to explain why I have the peace that I do...
Through this trial, our families have grown closer together than perhaps ever before...
------------------------------
At first glance, ours appears to be a hopeless situation. Yet God has chosen to use this opportunity to achieve his purposes. For some that is an opportunity to use their spiritual gifts and talents to help us. For others it is to hear of God’s grace and mercy for the first time... and perhaps someone, someday may respond to that message by committing their life to Jesus.
For myself, God reveals something new to me every day. (on that subject I could write a book. but that's for another time)
There have been books written regarding the question of why bad things happen to good people. The debate is timeless. In the end, my opinion is that God will use both good and bad situations to achieve His purposes.
My prayer is that what I've said here will encourage you to really look at what God is doing in every situation. Look past the bad to see the good that God is doing.
Right now all of our hearts are breaking...so it is tough for us to see it... but God is working out His perfect will in us, and others... and nothing bad can come from that.
So into God's hands we lay our lives. And to Him we'll give all the glory....
Thank you so much for taking the time....
....Be salt and light in your world....
Jeff
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